Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
