Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
