please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
