I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
It's Friday. Sex?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
