if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
