One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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