You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
