Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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