You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
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