So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
