I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
