I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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