Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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