There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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