Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.