White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
