Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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