So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
