we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
