Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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