Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
