if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
