Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
