Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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