where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Please don't give away my fajitas
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
