How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
