just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
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I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
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I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.