8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major