Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
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She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
This baby is an asshole
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
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Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.