wrigley field is MILF paradise
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.