Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.