so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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