I feel like abortions should bother me more
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
