There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
