somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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