Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
