I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
