Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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