come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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