If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
accomplished twins. life is a go
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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