We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
