She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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