one word: firstdatebathroomanal
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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