Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
