so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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