Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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