I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Randomize
