like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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