I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
