yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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