see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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