You smell like stripper and shame
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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