singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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