Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
My bed smells like the plague
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
