grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
