my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize