i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
