You really coming over, don't trick.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
