This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
