I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
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