my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
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