I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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