The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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