Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
